The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
What drink are we having for lunch?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
