Only a mothe r could love this liver
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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