Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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