hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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