I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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