how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I showed him my bush... on skype.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
