I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
