I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
