Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
