saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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