dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
