when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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