ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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