i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
