Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
