Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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