dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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