You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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