Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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