ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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