for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I need a burrito and a hug.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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