You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
