my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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