i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
