I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I understand Curling. That high.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
