ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
