So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
