My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
