She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
