Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
