so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
