who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
