i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
