The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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