You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
