chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
