i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
