last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
