like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
