I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
