Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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