i was born a porn star she said
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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