Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
