It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
