Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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