i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
