i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
