If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
