My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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