on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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