Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
