i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
