you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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