I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
