Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
