I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
