Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
