They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
