Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
