If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I deserve this hangover.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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