Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
