After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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