Will you blow on my dice?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Your topless pictures make me question reality
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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