You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
