if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize