Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
