I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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