1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
