Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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