Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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