Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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