his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
