I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
