I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
