well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
