Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
