Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
