Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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