dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
