I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize