apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
