Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
a search helicopter?!
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
