I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
