Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
