last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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