i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
