Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
