i just wanna soil my oats bro
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
