Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
